“You have scars on your arm.” People sometimes approach me, whilst staring at my limb. My first and foremost reaction is to look down at my arm in fake surprise and panic, pretending I hadn’t previously realised the marks. Thank you Captain Obvious for your insightful input.
Sarcasm aside, I am more than happy to explain the cause of the raised streaks: when I can tell that a person is genuinely intrigued-and not intending to belittle me. I am comfortable with admitting that I did this to myself at low points in my life. That’s what happened. Why should I be ashamed of that?
I do not blame those who stare, or those who sneak a peek when they don’t realise that I can still see them out of the corner of my eye. It’s different. It’s human nature to feel that desire to take a second glance at the man in the wheelchair, or the girl with bright green hair. That’s okay. I smile in reassurance if I ever catch somebody looking unsure.
You see, I’m not going to live my whole life in regret over what is, essentially, some marks on my skin. Everybody told me that I’ll never wear a bikini because of my striped stomach; that I’ll never be able to wear a dress to a party because of my patterned arm. But those are not things that lessen my attractiveness, that will turn people away from me-the people that are worth having by my side won’t mind, and after a while they’ll turn a blind eye.
They often used to tell me that I’d have trouble with finding a partner-however, I don’t think that this will be the case. Again, if you’re going to be with someone, surely that person needs to be an emotionally intelligent being, who understands the ways of the world? And, in all honesty, it takes courage to bare your vulnerability to the entirety of an often cruel society: even more so when you decide that you have the self confidence to simply stop listening to criticism and stereotypes. If I see someone out and proud with their scars, that’s not unattractive-their bravery makes them quite the opposite.
So, I suppose this brings me to the focus of this post; the marks on your skin are nothing to be ashamed of. Your strength of character makes you all the more beautiful.
Walk out there, head held high; jumper off:
You are not your scars.
thank you for writing this. I have just started to be able to wear tights and dresses after my self harm scars on my legs are starting to heal. I have noticed people stare- but my partner thinks I look beauitiful and I feel like a princess so I don’t mind x
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And as well, people that stare aren’t necessarily judging you! They maybe just aren’t used to seeing scars and are curious 🙂 Well done you, that takes a lot of courage! 🙂 x
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Yes you are right I didn’t realise that before. More excuses for me to get a tattoo anyway. And thank you, all the best to you too x
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Reblogged this on NANMYKEL.COM.
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If I didn’t reblog this earlier I should. But clarify “jumper,” please!
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It does take a lot of time to embrace our scars and how we have them. Oneday we maybe all will 🙂 🙂
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That is very true. But I’m a big believer in people-power. I believe that if we fight hard enough and insist that our stories are heard, we can change public opinion-even if it’s just a few people at a time. I want to eradicate judgement when it comes to mental health. Thank you for your lovely comment! 🙂
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Aww, you have such a lovely thought! I wish you all the best through it =)
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Thanks for writing this.
I personally hate when people stare at my scars because they rarely ever just ask me about it. It makes me feel ashamed when people stare. I wrote a post about this topic too.
I really like your post because your attitude is more positive and feeling pride in surviving rather than shame.
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I’m sorry it took so long to get back to you!
I agree, and it’s pretty rude-and I think there’s a difference between staring kind of unaware and doing it to be intimidating and passive aggressive. Oh really? If you link it here, I’d love to check it out! 🙂
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It takes courage to go that low in life, then rise above it and then fight it off, aside from dodging the unfriendly questions from less-meaning well-wishers. You are a courageous girl! Kudos to you.
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Thank you Pradita! Bless you, that’s a lovely thing to hear 🙂 I agree with you-overcoming stigma is a very difficult thing to do, but ultimately very rewarding 🙂 Thank you for taking the time to read it! 🙂
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You’re welcome 🙂
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You go girl very brave and powerful piece x
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Thank you! I’m glad you liked it! 🙂 x
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You go girl! You are brave and have a more mature perspective than a lot of adults…. and you’re a great writer to boot! Thank you for sharing your experience.
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Thank you! That’s a lovely thing to hear! 🙂 You’re very welcome, and thank you so much for taking the time to listen to me! Hope you’re okay x
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All is well here! Looking forward to reading more from you.
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I love this post! So often people who self harm/used to self harm are so self conscious of their scars (and I can understand why at times) but I really think that it would help so many people if they could have the same outlook on it as you. Being an ex-self harmer myself, I can understand where you are coming from here and it is so amazing to hear from someone else who isn’t afraid to show their scars. So good on you, I’m so happy for you and I hope you’re doing okay!
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I totally agree! It doesn’t help that everyone around you is saying things like “use bio oil”, “you can get scar reduction surgery”. While I can understand that some people need these things (and of course, that’s okay!), it’s not good that people are making them feel as if there is something “wrong” with them-because in reality, that’s just skin, everyone has freckles, moles, bruises, cellulite and scars ect.
But thank you! Likewise, how are you holding up?x
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Yeah exactly, I’ve had so many people tell me ways to get rid of my scars, but honestly, I don’t want to. They show what I’ve been through and remind me to stay strong now. And I’ve been doing good Thankyou x
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Good for you. Your scars hold the meaning of at least a part – an important part – of your life.
They are you, wear them with a positive ownership.
Cheers,
Frank
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Thanks Frank! I totally agree. It’s not always easy to accept yourself, but it is the way to happiness 🙂
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and just like that i already love your blog. stay beautiful.
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Thank you lovely! That’s really sweet of you 🙂 x
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🙂 🙂 you’re welcome!!
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This is a beautiful post xx
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Thank you 🙂 xx
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I couldn’t agree more, bloggers like you are a rare joy in this grim world. Beautifully written. I’m glad to have read this piece.
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Thank you 🙂 It’s really nice to hear from you, I hope you’re well x
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This was such a great post!! And something I think so many need to hear! I thought about covering my scars up with a tattoo, but then I decided why do I want to hide it? Like you said, it’s a part of my life. I’d rather look down on those scars and remember what that felt like – but also serve as a reminder at how far I’ve come with two years “clean” of cutting. Oddly, seeing the scars is more of a motivation for me not to cut. Excellent post.
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Thank you! 🙂 Exactly-people often tell me to use bio oil-but the truth is, my scars will never truly fade-I need to accept myself before anything else. Well done for coming so far-such a soul consuming addiction, and I really admire you for standing up to it! X
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ohmygosh…this is the first thing of yours i’ve read and i NEED to follow.. love this! i love your perspective; like “yeah, things happen, that was me, i’ve moved on with my life and my life is looking good” … GOOD FOR YOU!
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Thank you! It’s so nice to hear from you 🙂 x
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I appreciate the honesty you have written here. I have not self harmed in seven years and I am proud to explain to people how I stopped and my story. It warms my heart to see others who are not ashamed as well. Thank you, beautiful words
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Thank you! 🙂 I think it’s great that you’ve finally managed to come to terms with your past, and especially courageous that you’re no longer ashamed of the things that have happened. Respect to you 🙂
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You are brilliant. This post is so honest and beautiful and you are absolutely inspiring. Embracing yourself is such a strong quality, and you’ve done it so well. Thank you, because a lot of people needed to read this post.
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Thank you! I did write it intending to give people that bit of confidence about themselves, considering there’s so much stigma around directed at those who’ve had experience with self harm. It’s been really nice to hear from you! 🙂
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Absolutely! You said what you did so eloquently. Thanks for opening up like that and being so real.
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Thank you Rei 🙂 It’s really nice that people have been so supportive.
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Reblogged this on straightfromthevoicesinmyhead and commented:
Can we please just talk about how lovely and inspiring this is?
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Thank you so much, that’s so kind of you 🙂 x
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you have no idea how much this post means I myself am still struggling with self harm, I would love it if you could check out my blog and give me some feedback p.s your writing style is beautiful 🙂 x
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Thank you! I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling, you can always email me if you need someone to talk to 🙂 And of course, I will go and take a look now.xx
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Beautiful True Words. 🙂 Thank You For It. These Are Those times Where Words Mean everything.
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Thank you 🙂 It’s really nice that you took the time to comment 🙂 x
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This blog post makes me so proud. I wish you all the best, you’re a truly beautiful soul x
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Thank you so much!:) I’m not really, but I do like to voice my thoughts every now and again xx
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This is a very important and beautiful post. Thank you for sharing it. Stay strong sister.
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Thank you, that means a lot to me 🙂 x
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